Life – Page 8 – Raidah Shah Idil, MG Author

Going under the knife

May 3, 2013 Raidah Shah Idil

Check out this Daily Life article by Kasey Edwards – The Beauty Pageant Where Everyone Has The Same Face.

It’s scary to think that cosmetic surgery is now perfectly normal in South Korea. With all that carefully constructed beauty to compete against, au naturale seems to be a gigantic faux pas. Double-eyelid surgery, specifically, is a big hit in Korea. Inner beauty doesn’t seem to take much priority when pitted against the supposed perfection going under the knife. My fellow Asians sisters! You are already good enough as you are!

Imagine the pressure of growing up in South Korea and looking, well, like an ordinary South Korean. Which evidently isn’t good enough, so off you go to get some plastic surgery done. And then you look like what you’re meant to – really pretty, like everyone else. I wonder if there’ll ever be some kind of plastic surgery revolution, where South Korean women (and men) kick off the gauntlets of societal expectations and just boycott plastic surgeries altogether.

Meh. I can dream.

Real conversation:

Australian Friend: Wow, where are these good-looking guys in Korea?

Korean Friend: I have no idea.

ON THE FLIPSIDE: I found something fascinating on Tumblr. Yes, of all places. Blowfishbubbles writes:

RACISM TO THE MAX.

I hate it when people say that Asians get plastic surgery to look like “westerners”. It’s just wrong. Completely wrong. I saw this Aussie interview a while back, and the woman was like “I think they’re denying their heritage.” Seriously, woman? Have you seen the descriptions of the ancient beauties of China? “A long straight nose, big, bright, and clear eyes, with folds, a cherry pout, and an face shape that was oval, and strong, but this lady needs soft brows that were shaped like grass, accentuating her proportioned forehead.” Those are what we base our plastic surgeries on. Not you, you narcissistic bitch. We don’t want to look “western”, we just want to look like what we’ve been told by the ancient emperors was the beauty standard. We only want plastic surgery to look like what we know as the golden beauty points. I wish the TV shows would stop mentioning us as “western wannabes” and “denying our heritage” because clearly, it’s not true. If I get plastic surgery, I want to look like 赵薇. I want to look like 杨贵妃. I don’t want to look like Megan Fox. I don’t want to look like Miley Cyrus. I want to look like people who were predecessors of MY HERITAGE. MY HERITAGE. Not yours. MINE.

Interesting. I guess some Asian people DO want to look Western, while others want to reach the Asian golden beauty points. That’s some food for thought.

I just think that some inner work and self-acceptance would save a whole lot of money, grief, pain and break this cycle of excessive physicality. Easier said than done, living in a world where there’s so much emphasis on the outward form.

(Note: I have watched a documentary in which a young Asian woman on TV had plastic surgery because she wanted ‘Megan Fox’s nose’. Dude, Megan Fox’s nose would look so weird on my face. Because I’m Asian.)

art, Life, Love, Movies

Mona Lisa Smile, you infuriate me

May 1, 2013May 1, 2013 Raidah Shah Idil

A few nights ago, I watched Mona Lisa Smile on TV with my husband. He was surprised I hadn’t watched it before, with all of my interest in women’s rights, feminism and so on. While he cooked, I sat down and watched it.

I found the movie, in one word, infuriating! The movie was set in the 1950’s, and I was gobsmacked by how much these bright, talented and articulate young women worshipped the idea of marriage, and put their husbands on a pedestal. It was so painful to watch these girls attend dances and so on in the desperate hope of snagging a husband. Preferably from Harvard.

I’m all for women exercising agency. But it looks like in 1950’s America, the only agency a woman had was through her husband. There were literally etiquette classes where the (of course) unmarried teacher role-played domestic disasters, and quizzed her bright-eyed students about what she ought to do. You know, I’m all for being prepared for marriage, but that’s just going overboard. There was so much pressure for young women to be PERFECT – perfect wives, perfect mothers, and perfect housemakers. They transformed their very beings to fit this image, and moulded their souls against the expectations of their husbands. Unbelievable. I didn’t change my last name when I got married. I will always be my father’s daughter, and my sense of self isn’t contingent upon the ring on my finger.

Without giving too much away (in case you actually can stomach this kind of thing and actually want to watch it), the uppity, privileged girl in the movie who finds herself in an awful arranged (ARRANGED, PEOPLE) marriage actually does have the chutzpah to reclaim her dignity. So that’s one redeeming point.

Okay, so it wasn’t all bad. Julia Roberts played the ‘subversive’ (gasp!) art history teacher who kept telling her students then you don’t have to choose between being a housewife and getting a career. “You can do both.”And that, ladies and gentlemen, was enough to make her subversive. If I was a women’ liberal arts college teacher in 1950’s America, I would probably get my house vandalised by scandalised upper-class mothers. I would be SO subversive.

I am amazed and grateful that I live in a time where that concept is such a no-brainer, and most of all, that my faith supports me in balancing the many roles I have in my life. A woman must have time to herself to stay sane, especially in the face of so many competing demands. People come and go, things change, but the only constant is God. I’ve learned to pin my hopes on Him, and not on creation.

The world has marched on since the era depicted by the Mona Lisa Smile.

In the 1950’s, we had this:

And now, in 2011, we have this: Debunking the myths of sex work.

Wow. Now that’s a whole other point of discussion.

Health, Islam, Life, Love

Create What You Love – Huffington Post opinion piece

April 30, 2013 Raidah Shah Idil

I really liked this article on Huffington Post – Create What You Love: 4 Steps To Improve Your Life.

The four principles Susanna Bair wrote about are:

Use love to build a beautiful and healthy body.

Use love to create the work you enjoy.

Use love to develop the relationship you want.

Use love to build a better world.

I know that starting off my day with my morning prayer (fajr) helps to remind me of what matters in life. All five daily prayers help to ground me. The key is to take my time, and not rush through them. I can measure how centered I feel in my life depending on how present I am with Allah in my prayer.

Going for a walk or doing my yoga stretches helps me feel a limber and relaxed. I do a lot of sitting down when I study or write, and that puts a lot of stress on my lower back. Moving around helps to clear my head and release any built-up tension in my back or shoulders. It’s amazing what a short 15-20 minute walk/yoga session can do.

It’s a blessing to be able to study and work with what I love (counselling and writing, respectively). I’m looking forward to completing my Diploma of Counselling over the next few months, and joining the workforce once I get enough volunteer experience. As for my writing…stay tuned for my next article 🙂

Spending quality time with friends and family is a constant source of joy, validation and support for me. I don’t have any pets, but I have three plants: Lily, Violet, and Lucky Bamboo. I water them regularly, and talk to them on occasion. I’ve heard that talking to plants actually helps them grow! I suspect it’s working lol.

Islam, Life, Love, Opinion

How do you find a partner if 99% of the population are a no-go? – Mamamia opinion piece

April 26, 2013 Raidah Shah Idil

Hop on over to this brilliant read: How do you find a partner if 99% of the population are a no-go by Zeynab Gamieldien. Zeynab is a fantastic writer and her blog, Love Haqtually, is a great place to read all about the quirks of the Australian Muslim community, especially on the topic of luuuurve. Man, there’s so much stigma when it comes to love and Muslims, yet we’re the ones with the exponential birth rates *facepalm*

Kudos to you, Zeynab, and to all Muslim women out there who are brave enough to tell their story. It’s refreshing to see Muslim women demonstrating agency by speaking out about their own experiences. It’s not cool to see people talking ABOUT Muslim women (“Free her from her oppressors!” etc), and it’s often the woefully ignorant who are the most opinionated. And who get the most air-time. It’s wonderful to see that Zeynab has added her unique voice to the tapestry of Muslim voices in the media, and I pray that many Muslim women will do the same. The world needs more compassion, understanding, and acceptance, and the best way to humanise the other is to give it a face, and a voice. Muslim women, for better or worse, are constantly in the limelight, and I hope that with the passage of time, more of us will be proud of the faith which us brings life, and tell our story – with a smile 🙂

Islam, Life, Love, Opinion

On Being A Hybrid Australian Muslim of Malay Descent – my lip mag piece

April 24, 2013 Raidah Shah Idil

Check out my latest article on lip mag – on being a hybrid australian muslim of malay descent. Ha, yes, a mouthful. This was a fun piece to write, and it was inspired by my brother Ahmad.

We know a lot of different kids and adults who also balance different cultures and expectations, and who probably experience all the ensuing mini (or major!) social gaffes. When you grow up in Australia, going back to visit Singapore or Malaysia (or your country of origin) is a combination of meeting family, getting teased about your ‘funny accent’ and having that delicious plate of nasi lemak/nasi ayam which just doesn’t taste as good, anywhere else!

Beauty, Health, Life

You Can Be Too Beautiful – Atlantic Times opinion piece

April 16, 2013 Raidah Shah Idil

Check out this interesting article – You Can Be Too Beautiful.

We all make snap judgements based on how other people look, and it’s a common myth that prettier people have it easier. This article offers a different insight. Beauty itself is so subjective, and the entire beauty industry is geared towards capitalising on what people think they lack.

In countries like India, Indonesia, Singapore and Malaysia, fair skin is the ultimate expression of beauty. It’s bizarre. Shelves are lined with all manner of ‘skin-whitening’ products, and it makes me wonder about what kind of chemicals are strong enough to bleach skin several shades lighter. Scary.

On the other hand, in Australia and many other countries, a lot of fair-skinned folk are dying for a tan. Literally, in some cases. The statistics about the mortality and incidence of skin cancer are quite serious. 1,452 people died from melanoma in 2010. I’m hoping that more people will value lasting qualities like compassion, patience and kindness over fleeting constructs like physical beauty.

Islam, Life, Love, Opinion

The Ways I’ve Worried – Huffington Post opinion piece

April 12, 2013April 12, 2013 Raidah Shah Idil

1069213_endless_green The Ways I’ve Worried is an exquisite and heart-wrenching piece on the fragility and beauty of life. The author writes about her relationship with her first husband, who had cystic fibrosis, and how that impacted on the way she lived, loved, and lost.

Mortality is one of the defining characteristics of humanity. That’s one thing we all agree on. Everyone has different ways of coping, and for me, it’s my faith and the love of my family and friends. The next life is better than this one, and that very yardstick of eternity puts everything into perspective.

Health, Life

My new article on acupuncture is up!

February 18, 2013 Raidah Shah Idil

Check out my Lip Mag article, The Joys of Acupuncture.

I strongly recommend every sentient being to trial the benefits of acupuncture. Yes, I kid you not, I am that much of a believer in the power of harnessing TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine)! It’s made a huge difference to my own health and my husband’s, and after many years of being rushed through our GP appointments…it’s nice to get an hour or two of uninterrupted care by our acupuncturists.

Here’s to TCM, and better health!

facebook, Life, Love

Facebook kills romance

February 13, 2013 Raidah Shah Idil

Ha, bet that title got your attention 🙂

I read a cool Huffington Post article Facebook Valentines: Study Finds Oversharing On Personal Life Hurts Romantic Relationships. This is a particularly telling paragraph:

One of the problems with your significant other opening up on Facebook is that “you feel less special and unique,” Kansas doctoral student in psychology Juwon Lee concluded. Many times you feel they’re trusting you with intimate information, but then you see them sharing their feelings with everyone, Lee said.

The study goes on to describe the relationship between disclosure and feelings of intimacy – namely, the more you disclose about your romantic relationship, the less intimacy you actually feel with your partner. This might seem paradoxical in an age of constant FB status updates – OMG I want to SHARE everything with EVERYONE – but if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Think of all those quiet moments of intimacy which you share with the person you love – that’s special. Flailing it about on Facebook takes away that magic only the two of you can share.

Food for thought, as the world braces for another Valentine’s Day onslaught.

Counselling, freelance, Gaming, Life

Assessment time!

February 7, 2013 Raidah Shah Idil

As I write this, I’m finishing up two workbooks due tomorrow and preparing to review my notes for an all-day prac on Friday. I also completed a proof-reading project earlier in the week. Suffice to say, this week has been stressful.

In the midst of my writing and editing work, I’m completing a diploma of counselling via correspondence. I’ve discovered the importance of having a timetable – and sticking to it. One of the challenges of a freelance writer/editor/student who works and studies from home is, well, staying at home. It’s so cosy, with so many distractions…like my Xbox 360. Ha. I’ve recently discovered the epic Mass Effect trilogy, and I’m really glad that I’m waiting for the arrival of my Mass Effect 3 game from eBay :p It helps to space things out a bit. Once I’m done with this trilogy, I’m aiming to write another gaming article.

In the spirit of not caving into study stress and indulging in Indo Mi, my vice, I’ve whipped out my exercise mat. Each time I feel stress levels or sleepiness rising, I do a few push-ups, squats, crunches, and I’m a lot more awake by the time I’m done. Try it out! Sitting for hours is really bad for your posture anyway.

Check out this article by Huffington Post: Food And Stress: 7 Healthy Picks That Can Help You Relax.