Author: Raidah Shah Idil

Raidah Shah Idil is a student counsellor, poet, writer, and creative instructor with a passion for YA (young adult), fantasy, sci-fi and detective fiction. She was born in Singapore and moved to Australia at the age of 12. She graduated with a Bachelor of Arts (English) and Bachelor of Science (Psychology) from the University of New South Wales in 2005. After working as a marketing copywriter and studying the Islamic Sciences in Amman, Jordan for nearly two years, she returned to Sydney, got married, then moved to Malaysia. While working as a part-time tutor at Axiom Learning, she works as an online counsellor for Seekershub Global. She has completed her Diploma of Counselling through the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. Her full-time job is raising her baby daughter. Everything else is squeezed in between. Literally. Her writing has been published in The Feminist Wire, SISTERS magazine, Daily Life, Lip Mag and Venture Beat. Raidah’s poetry was recently published in the ‘Armed With Only Our Souls’ online DDFS chapbook by New York poet Caits Meissner. Her debut double-featured novel, “Finding Jamilah and the Story of Yusuf” was published by MyLegacy publications in early 2014. In her spare time (ha), she reads, listens to audiobooks, goes on walks, and is always on the lookout for tasty noodle soup. She currently lives in a green, leafy suburb in Kuala Lumpur with her husband, three small children and mother-in-law.
Family, Health, Life

Everyday Heroes – My brother, Abdul Hadi :)

Raidah Shah Idil

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Today is the 28th birthday of my brother, Abdul Hadi 🙂 I’ve been very blessed to have him in my life. He was my roommate in Jordan, we went to Syria together with our brother Ahmad, and he was my very patient Hajj buddy in 2010.

My brother has courageously stepped up and volunteered for the City2Surf in order to raise funds for the Black Dog Institute. You can find his page here and you can learn more about the Black Dog Institute by clicking here.

Mental illness is a lot more common than most people think. Check out some surprising points from this Black Dog Institute fact sheet:

One in five (20%) Australians aged 16-85 experience a mental illness in any year.

65% of people with mental illness do not access any treatment [3,4]. This is worsened by delayed treatment due to serious problems in detection and accurate diagnosis. The proportion of people with mental illness accessing treatment is half that of people with physical disorders [4].

Rates of depression are slightly higher in women with depression, affecting one in six (17%) compared to one in 10 (10%) men experiencing depression in their lifetime. Across both sub-types, bipolar disorder affects around one in 33 (3%) men and women in their lifetime [1]. However, prevalence of bipolar disorder is probably higher than the statistics suggest, as many cases are often undetected or misdiagnosed.

Please donate to my brother’s fundraising cause, and help him raise funds for an institute which has helped to save so many lives. The Black Dog Institute is working hard to minimise the impact of mental illness, and maybe even one day, prevent them from developing in the first place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life, Love, SeekersHub Sydney

Rants and male-bashing? SeekersHub Sydney says no!

Raidah Shah Idil

969371_589803064377179_1145926861_nThere’s only a few more days to Saturday night’s event! In the spirit of encouraging more audience attendance and participation, I’d like to reassure everyone that our marriage event will not be:

1) A rant

2) Man-bashing session

3) A secret conspiracy to marry everyone off in the room (although if you do find The One there, good for you!)

What it will be, inshaAllah, is a vibrant discussion about some real issues faced by Muslims in the Sydney community. From my experience, most Muslims out there do want to settle down at some point in their lives. Everyone has different challenges in their journey towards finding their spouse – the single Muslim in his/her thirties or forties, the single parent, or the divorcee, just to name a few. We hope to bring these issues out into the open, hear what our panelists have to say, and open the floor to hear what YOU have to say.

Stay tuned for a preview of some of the questions I’ll ask the panelists on Saturday night.

Remember to register for the event by clicking here. See you there!

Health, TCM

Nourishing food, TCM style

Raidah Shah Idil

1368859_14894374It’s autumn in Sydney, and it’s the start of flu season. Alhamdulilah, with my twice-daily ginger tea and goji berry ritual, I’m feeling pretty good. If you’re feeling cold, get those fantastic ginger sachet drinks from your local Asian grocery store. I add goji berries to mine to increase the potency of the tea. Drink it in the morning and afternoon, and even in the night if you need more warmth.

Anyone who knows me well enough will see my current good health as a testimony to the effectiveness of TCM. Yup, I was that sick kid in primary school with the tissues and Vicks Vapour Rub. God bless the person who invented Vicks!

In the spirit of knowing what foods are good for you, check out this great Traditional Chinese Medicine website.

Potato: neutral, sweet, Sp, Sp Qi tonic, heals inflammation
Sweet Potato: neutral, sweet, Lu, Sp & Ki, Qi, Blood & Yin tonic, benefits Kidneys, astringes Jing

I love potato and sweet potato, and interestingly enough, I have to strengthen my lungs and kidneys…it’s amazing when the food we enjoy actually helps to heal our bodies. Lu = lungs, Sp = spleen, Ki = kidneys, Qi = life-force.

Learning more about food properties actually puts a whole new spin on cooking. It’s not just about cooking healthy food, it’s about cooking food that will nourish me, depending on what season it is. I’ve been having mutton soup, sweet potato, apple stews and other warming foods because of the colder weather. Mmmm. Sooouup.

Disclaimer: You’d actually need to see a TCM practitioner or apprentice/student in order to get your diagnosis e.g. Lung Yin deficiency or Liver stagnation etc. Once you know what’s going in your body (your kidney, spleen, liver and lung system), you can then take a look at the above chart then cook the food your body needs. And remember to avoid food which might actually harm your body.

I’ve been seeing my acupuncturist for over a year now, and her knowledge continues to amaze me. All she has to do is feel my pulse, look at my tongue, my nails and my general complexion, and she’s able to give me a good summary of how I feel, and, best of all, the right kind of treatment.

It’s important to note that the ‘kidney’ in TCM is actually the entire kidney system, including the adrenals and the bladder. This fantastic article helped to explain it to me: My Kidneys Are What?

Handy tip: If you’re feeling the beginning symptoms of a cold like a scratchy throat or runny nose, cut up a small piece of raw ginger and chew on it. Literally. If that doesn’t do the trick, eat more raw ginger. It’ll warm you up and expel the cold in your body. When it’s cold outside, remember to cover the back of your neck, which is susceptible to wind invasion.

Stay tuned for more TCM updates!

Health, SeekersHub Sydney

Essential Oils Workshop – May 26th, 6-8 pm

Raidah Shah Idil

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If you’re interested in health and well-being, come join me at the SeekersHub Sydney Essential Oils Workshop this Sunday! This workshop is the brainchild of my sister-in-law, and I’m looking forward to learning more about the benefits of essential oils.

Being asthmatic, I generally stay away from strong scents. This means that I’m the one to sit in the back of the room (or exit completely!) when someone starts to burn strong incense or oud. I’m all for beautiful fragrances – the food of the angels, after all – but not when it triggers my asthma. I’d be interested to learn from the experts about the best way to use these essential oils when it comes to my sensitive lungs. The winter nights in Sydney are getting colder, and a holistic, natural approach to managing my asthma would help to supplement my existing asthma care plan.

I’ve had the blessing of sampling some of the fantastic oils from my sister-in-law’s selection. I must say, even my adorable 1 1/2 year old niece is enjoying them! Click here for the doTERRA website for more information about their essential oils range.

Here’s an interesting quote from the site:

Essential oils have been used throughout recorded history for a wide variety of wellness applications. The Egyptians were some of the first people to use aromatic essential oils extensively in beauty treatment, food preparation, and in religious ceremony. Frankincense, sandalwood, myrrh and cinnamon were considered very valuable cargo along caravan trade routes and were sometimes exchanged for gold.

Fascinating!

Islam, Life, Love, Marriage, SeekersHub Sydney

“Why Can’t We Get Married?” SeekersConversation, June 1st 2013 – my thoughts

Raidah Shah Idil

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There you have it, ladies and gentlemen – our exciting first Sydney SeekersConversation for this year! I’ll be facilitating the event, and I’m really looking forward to talking to the panelists as well as opening up the floor for the audience. Most people have a LOT to say about marriage, so this will be interesting.  Come down and join us!

On that note, here’s a run-down of the types of people I’ve come across when it comes to marriage:

1) The Eager Puppies

They’re generally younger and filled with lovely romantic ideals about marriage and its total and utter wonderfulness. The walks along the beach, the hot chocolates by the fireplace, and – of course – the epic foot rubs. Their youth is directly correlated with the distinct lack of BAD SCARRING PAINFUL experiences when it comes to marriage.I’ll get to that category later. Some do get married. And it works out! This is cool. But unfathomable to me.

2) The Jaded

Now we’re getting to the slightly older category who are getting somewhat tired of the unsuitable suggestions from well-meaning friends (read: would THEY even consider marrying the person they’re suggesting?? Um, no!). They’re starting to get a tad weary of the whole thing, and when they are broached about a more suitable potential, hackles are initially raised, and then slowly lowered. When the right guy/girl does come along, all defenses come melting down like ice cream on a hot day. Awww.

3) The REALLY Jaded and Bitter

These are the souls who’ve had many relationship breakdowns, are getting past their supposed marital shelf-life (this varies, but 30 is apparently time to hit the panic button), or who generally have a chip on their shoulder when it comes to marriage. Said chip is about the size of a boulder. Most of them have been unfairly treated at some point in their life, but as with all things, it takes two to tango, and holding on to negativity makes it a lot harder to embrace everything else life has to offer.

Deep down, they’d like to get married too. But you didn’t hear me say that.

4) The Quietly Content

These are a really rare breed, and spotting them is equivalent to finding a kookaburra in the Sahara Desert. This is a category that transcends age, background, blood type, or even gender. Sure, they’d like to get married someday, but they’re happy where they are. Some have had failed relationships before, but they’ve gotten over that REALLY Jaded and Bitter stage, or bypassed it completely. In this Zen-like state, they actually do manage to snag a spouse. Amazing.

5) The Hopefuls

I’d like to think that most people fall in this category. The Hopefuls are our lovably flawed guys and girls who are balancing everything and worry that they’ll fall apart. Falling apart actually does happen on a regular basis, but they pick themselves up, brush themselves off, and send a silent prayer for a loving spouse who’ll complete them and all that jazz. Because they’re so darned nice, they actually stand a better chance of meeting The One. And around the time when they realise they’re already complete, Mr or Mrs Right comes sailing through the door.

6) The I’m Too Tired To Think About It

This is the category specifically for single parents, usually single mums, who are exhausted from raising kids with little or no support. Of course, child-support from ex-partner is usually non-existent. These are the people who are arguably most in need of a loving spouse, but it takes a big heart to take on a new spouse who has his/her own children. Hats off to all men and women who are brave enough to step up and marry single parents. You are heroes!

art, Poetry

My poetry’s been accepted for publication by the AMA (Australian Muslim Artists)!

Raidah Shah Idil

1209718_writingAlhamdulilah, the three poems which I submitted to the Australian Muslim Artists Competition 2013 have been selected for publication!

I remember carefully looking through my archive of poetry, some finished, some unfinished. I wanted to submit poems which resonated with me, and with the themes most relevant to Australian Muslims. The poems I chose to submit (Bone Marrow, Cannibals and Utopia) had to do with themes of immigration, displacement, small community politics, and refugees. Very Aussie Muslim.

Here’s part of the email which I received last night:

We are pleased to announce that you will be one of the artists featured in the AMA publication.

This publication will be the first dedicated art book featuring Australian Muslim Artists and we are looking forward to sharing this diversity and talent.

I’m thrilled and grateful to be part of this amazing venture. Art and literature builds bridges between souls and communities, and the Islamic Museum of Australia will be an invaluable contribution to the landscape of Australian art and literature. To think that I’m part of this is so exciting!

I’d like to thank my family and friends for their support, and for Allah Most High’s literal Divine Concern for me. I couldn’t have done this on my own. The life of a poet and writer is fraught with rejection, so a strong support network makes all the difference.

I have a special thank you for Maryam Chahine, my good friend in Jordan and an amazingly talented poet. Jazakillah khayr, Maryam, for believing in me before I did 🙂 You gotta read her poetry. In the words of 21st century slang – she’s totes legit. Her poem Aren’t You Hot In That Thing? is one my absolute favourites. Enjoy!

Beauty, Beauty myth, Life, Opinion

Going under the knife

Raidah Shah Idil

knifeCheck out this Daily Life article by Kasey Edwards – The Beauty Pageant Where Everyone Has The Same Face.

It’s scary to think that cosmetic surgery is now perfectly normal in South Korea. With all that carefully constructed beauty to compete against, au naturale seems to be a gigantic faux pas. Double-eyelid surgery, specifically, is a big hit in Korea. Inner beauty doesn’t seem to take much priority when pitted against the supposed perfection going under the knife. My fellow Asians sisters! You are already good enough as you are!

Imagine the pressure of growing up in South Korea and looking, well, like an ordinary South Korean. Which evidently isn’t good enough, so off you go to get some plastic surgery done. And then you look like what you’re meant to – really pretty, like everyone else.  I wonder if there’ll ever be some kind of plastic surgery revolution, where South Korean women (and men) kick off the gauntlets of societal expectations and just boycott plastic surgeries altogether.

Meh. I can dream.

Real conversation:

Australian Friend: Wow, where are these good-looking guys in Korea?

Korean Friend: I have no idea.

ON THE FLIPSIDE: I found something fascinating on Tumblr. Yes, of all places. Blowfishbubbles writes:

RACISM TO THE MAX.

I hate it when people say that Asians get plastic surgery to look like “westerners”. It’s just wrong. Completely wrong. I saw this Aussie interview a while back, and the woman was like “I think they’re denying their heritage.” Seriously, woman? Have you seen the descriptions of the ancient beauties of China? “A long straight nose, big, bright, and clear eyes, with folds, a cherry pout, and an face shape that was oval, and strong, but this lady needs soft brows that were shaped like grass, accentuating her proportioned forehead.” Those are what we base our plastic surgeries on. Not you, you narcissistic bitch. We don’t want to look “western”, we just want to look like what we’ve been told by the ancient emperors was the beauty standard. We only want plastic surgery to look like what we know as the golden beauty points. I wish the TV shows would stop mentioning us as “western wannabes” and “denying our heritage” because clearly, it’s not true. If I get plastic surgery, I want to look like 赵薇. I want to look like 杨贵妃. I don’t want to look like Megan Fox. I don’t want to look like Miley Cyrus. I want to look like people who were predecessors of MY HERITAGE. MY HERITAGE. Not yours. MINE.

Interesting. I guess some Asian people DO want to look Western, while others want to reach the Asian golden beauty points. That’s some food for thought.

I just think that some inner work and self-acceptance would save a whole lot of money, grief, pain and break this cycle of excessive physicality. Easier said than done, living in a world where there’s so much emphasis on the outward form.

(Note: I have watched a documentary in which a young Asian woman on TV had plastic surgery because she wanted ‘Megan Fox’s nose’. Dude, Megan Fox’s nose would look so weird on my face. Because I’m Asian.)

art, Life, Love, Movies

Mona Lisa Smile, you infuriate me

Raidah Shah Idil

MonalisasmileA few nights ago, I watched Mona Lisa Smile on TV with my husband. He was surprised I hadn’t watched it before, with all of my interest in women’s rights, feminism and so on. While he cooked, I sat down and watched it.

I found the movie, in one word, infuriating! The movie was set in the 1950’s, and I was gobsmacked by how much these bright, talented and articulate young women worshipped the idea of marriage, and put their husbands on a pedestal. It was so painful to watch these girls attend dances and so on in the desperate hope of snagging a husband. Preferably from Harvard.

I’m all for women exercising agency. But it looks like in 1950’s America, the only agency a woman had was through her husband. There were literally  etiquette classes where the (of course) unmarried teacher role-played domestic disasters, and quizzed her bright-eyed students about what she ought to do. You know, I’m all for being prepared for marriage, but that’s just going overboard. There was so much pressure for young women to be PERFECT – perfect wives, perfect mothers, and perfect housemakers. They transformed their very beings to fit this image, and moulded their souls against the expectations of their husbands. Unbelievable. I didn’t change my last name when I got married. I will always be my father’s daughter, and my sense of self isn’t contingent upon the ring on my finger.

Without giving too much away (in case you actually can stomach this kind of thing and actually want to watch it), the uppity, privileged girl in the movie who finds herself in an awful arranged (ARRANGED, PEOPLE) marriage actually does have the chutzpah to reclaim her dignity. So that’s one redeeming point.

Okay, so it wasn’t all bad. Julia Roberts played the ‘subversive’ (gasp!) art history teacher who kept telling her students then you don’t have to choose between being a housewife and getting a career. “You can do both.”And that, ladies and gentlemen, was enough to make her subversive. If I was a women’ liberal arts college teacher in 1950’s America, I would probably get my house vandalised by scandalised upper-class mothers. I would be SO subversive.

I am amazed and grateful that I live in a time where that concept is such a no-brainer, and most of all, that my faith supports me in balancing the many roles I have in my life. A woman must have  time to herself to stay sane, especially in the face of so many competing demands. People come and go, things change, but the only constant is God. I’ve learned to pin my hopes on Him, and not on creation.

The world has marched on since the era depicted by the Mona Lisa Smile.

In the 1950’s, we had this:

housewife002

And now, in 2011, we have this: Debunking the myths of sex work.

Wow. Now that’s a whole other point of discussion.

Health, Islam, Life, Love

Create What You Love – Huffington Post opinion piece

Raidah Shah Idil

1350860_hand-in-handI really liked this article on Huffington Post – Create What You Love: 4 Steps To Improve Your Life.

The four principles Susanna Bair wrote about are:

Use love to build a beautiful and healthy body.

Use love to create the work you enjoy.

Use love to develop the relationship you want.

Use love to build a better world.

I know that starting off my day with my morning prayer (fajr) helps to remind me of what matters in life. All five daily prayers help to ground me. The key is to take my time, and not rush through them. I can measure how centered I feel in my life depending on how present I am with Allah in my prayer.

Going for a walk or doing my yoga stretches helps me feel a limber and relaxed. I do a lot of sitting down when I study or write, and that puts a lot of stress on my lower back. Moving around helps to clear my head and release any built-up tension in my back or shoulders. It’s amazing what a short 15-20 minute walk/yoga session can do.

It’s a blessing to be able to study and work with what I love (counselling and writing, respectively). I’m looking forward to completing my Diploma of Counselling over the next few months, and joining the workforce once I get enough volunteer experience. As for my writing…stay tuned for my next article 🙂

Spending quality time with friends and family is a constant source of joy, validation and support for me. I don’t have any pets, but I have three plants: Lily, Violet, and Lucky Bamboo. I water them regularly, and talk to them on occasion. I’ve heard that talking to plants actually helps them grow! I suspect it’s working lol.